Redefining Friendship

I’ve been home in Mississippi for three and half weeks. It’s weird to type that out because it feels like I’ve been here for months, while at the same time, it feels like it’s only been a blink of an eye since I was surrounded by a group of once strangers that has since become family. Since being home, I’ve hugged family, driven my car, cut my hair, eaten several tacos, spent hours in silence, worshipped in mornings, exercised in the afternoon, cried under a blanket, watched reruns of Gray’s Anatomy, read some amazing Scripture, and remained in awe of all the God can do. Oh, and did a bit of online shopping. 

As family, friends, prayer warriors, and supporters of mine for the past 5 years and more, I know there are updates that I want to give you soon about where I am and what God is doing and how I will be following Him in the future. 

But in this blog post, I wanted to share about what God has been reshaping and rebuilding in my life. It’s a big topic for me. One that has brought joy and hardship over my life. And one that I believe we all struggle to define and sustain at some point in our lives. 

FRIENDSHIP

Whoa. What a topic, right?! There’s no way that I will adequately articulate all that God has been BLOWING MY MIND with concerning this topic. But here’s to sharing anyway, even if it’s only in part, and trusting that this will bring HIM glory in the sharing. 

Background: Friendship has been a hard road for me to navigate. Early on in my life, I learned that friends leave. They move. And they don’t call you to tell you they’re leaving. I learned that in life you make more friends. I learned that friends should be good. And not to associate with people who weren’t good. I learned that friends liked what you liked. Friends always want something from you (because I definitely wanted something from them). I learned friends laughed, friends cried, and friends pranked other friends. That friendship can be healthy and unhealthy. I learned that friends aren’t necessarily honest with one another. That friends are a fun way to escape your current life situation. I learned that friends shouldn’t take up too much room in your heart. I learned friends entered different seasons of life at different times than me. And I learned that at those times, it’s best to keep your head down and move forward. I learned that friends shouldn’t fulfill. These “truths” and my easy-going, relatable personality had me floating around from friend group to friend group well into and through college. Until I looked around one day and realized that I didn’t have what I longed for. I didn’t have a trueness, a realness, a tangible relationship that I could fully be myself in–being fully honest, fully enjoyed, fully seen because I feel safe to fully show. 

The turning point: When I was on my first World Race back in 2014, I stepped out of everything I thought I knew about God, and ultimately life, and realized that there was so much more that I had available to me, here and now. I began to see my relationship with God differently. It began to matter more. Much more! I actually started believing on a deeper level what He said about me. Believing that what He gave for me–His Son–was worth it. That the person of Jesus radically loved me enough to die for me, so that I could fully enjoy the presence of God, our Father. When this truth hits you, everything changes. Including how I saw my friendships. 

Losses and Gains: In the fall of 2015, I experienced some deep losses. It kinda felt like the rug being ripped out from under you, catching you completely off guard and leaving you suspended in the air with nothing to soften the fall. It sucked. But around this same time, God in His provision introduced me to a group of people that would become some of the sweetest of friends. Coming home from my trip, I knew this new perspective on life would change things, but even with this knowledge I still struggled with being fully myself within these friendships and unlocking a part of my heart that had built walls of protection around itself. But good thing I have patient, gracious, and warrior-like friends that aren’t afraid to fight for me and in turn show me what it looks like to fight for them.

This past year and half, I have been walking down this path of redefining friendship. I just didn’t know it. But here’s the thing: it’s not just redefining the term, it’s actually reshaping how I operate within friendships and how I allow them into my heart and my life. THAT’S A BIG DEAL. I learned–and am still learning–what it means to trust. To walk in and extend trust FIRST and not wait for someone to prove themselves as trustworthy. To know and accept that people will fail but to love anyways. To not hide away as a means of self-protection. That by holding back a piece of my heart, I am purposefully blocking the amount of love I can receive. 

The Fire: It wasn’t until the last week on the field (January 4th, 2019) with this past squad that I stood face to face with my past “truths” regarding friendship. During this week, I had some hard conversations regarding friendships. My life and experience had taught me what friends do and what they are for, and here I had words being spoken forewarning me about the same things I knew so intimately from my life before …

Don’t divide your heart. Don’t create deep ties to others. Be cautious of how you give your heart to others.

These hard conversations stuck with me for days, rolling around in head. A playback that kept replaying. I battled lies. Lies that said my new definition of Godly friendship was wrong and unhealthy. That it created too much closeness. That I need to show love differently. That this new definition of friendship needed to be examined and changed because healthy friendship doesn’t look like this. Everything that I used to believe about friendship came crashing in and stood eyes-peeled, opposite of me. 

So, I sought the Lord, and I found Him. 

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” -John 15:13

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” -Proverbs 17:17

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” -Proverbs 27:9

“Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.” -1 Samuel 20:41

“Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.” -Ruth 1:16

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” -John 15:15

The Promise: Friendship is the good stuff of life. It’s God’s gift to us. When God created Adam, he said that it was not good for man to be alone. His vision for our life wasn’t complete without companionship. Not just marriage, but friendship! True friendship is sweet, sacrificial, honest, and stuff of the soul. And ultimately, friendship is portrayed in full through the person of Jesus. He is our great Friend. He sees each of us as friends that he longs to experience life with.  Drew Hunter writes in his book Made For Friendship, “the Bible reveals Jesus’ heart and his plans. It is, among other things, a letter of friendship.” How did Jesus and his closest friends on this earth act around each other? They deeply loved. They encouraged with kindness and candor. They left everything behind and joined their friend in the life that he was living. They wept together. And they laughed together. They did the miraculous together. And Jesus showed them that true love and true friendship lasts to the end and beyond as he died in the place for each of them AND for you and me. 

I believe our culture sees friendship in much too broad of a view. With hundreds of Facebook friends and Instagram followers, our society feeds off a surface level of companionship. We see and watch acquaintances from afar and somehow feel like we know them. This is not how God created us to live. I have a longing in my heart to be fully known and fully enjoyed. The more I learn about this topic of Christian Friendship, the more I realize that my friendship with Jesus needs more attention. Because His companionship is the one that fulfills all. And it’s through this friendship that I am able to love the other people in my life extravagantly and without restraint.

“But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, ‘Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,’ can truly say to every group of Christian friends, ‘Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.’ The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” —C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Here’s to you, my friends.

 What’s God been teaching you recently? I’d love to hear it.